Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Surrender the Dark











She wouldn't survive it. She had already lost her heart once. It took her years to pick up all the tiny splinters and put it back together. She could not afford to loose it once again. She was certain that if she would loose it again, her mind and soul would go with it, and she would be left with nothing--just an old dried-up empty shell.
She was contented being left alone. She was at peace. She had no one to run all her plans through. She didn't answer to anyone. She had the freedom to do anything and everything she wants. The possiblities were endless. She was at the prime of her life. The oppurtunities opened their doors wide in anticipation for her. She had vowed never to kneel down again--never. And promises could never be broken.
Her nights were spent catching up on her reading and writing. Oh, how she loved to read and write. Reading was her escape from the harsh realities of life while writing was the outlet of her pent-up emotions. Or sometimes, she would just lit a scented candle, clutch her guitar, and softly sing her favorite songs by Regina Spektor and Nora Jones.
Her days were filled with activities. She'd wake-up early to greet the sun and jog through a trail that leads up to the top of the hill overlooking the see. There, she would sit for a while and meditate about the things she had learn the day before. Then she would slowly descend back to her little cottage where the steaming hot coffee she had prepared earlier wait for her. She would then head out to whichever activity she had lined-up for the day. There were always art exhibits, theatre workshops, meetings with various cause-oriented groups, lectures and speeches at forums, and activities to organize. Plus her self enrichment activities: dancing and violin lessons, swimming, and target shooting.
She also loved to travel, and she maximize each travel oppurtunity that comes her way. She had been to quite a few places already. She enjoyed these travels--she get to meet lots of people, see the gut-wrenching reality of the world as well as its breath-taking beauty, and experience strange but unique adventures. Little did she know that it is during these excapades that she would finally loose not only her entire being but her soul as well.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Duetchland





First and foremost, let me say that I had never in my wildest dreams ever thought that I would be able to travel abroad. But then again, I was content in staying in the Philippines for I love my country so much.

Then, this invitation from the United Evangelical Mission came. It was a time when I was thirsting to serve the Lord, a time when I wanted to be of service to Him and His people again.

I have been sent by the church (UCCP) and by my faith in God to various areas in my community. I have been to the fishing islands, the urban poor communities, and even the mountains of my land to share with the children and the youth God’s message of love and redemption.


The invitation of UEM was a chance to share with my German brothers and sisters in faith about the Filipino people—our beliefs, our aspirations, our struggle… our lives.

And indeed I had felt welcomed in the UEM community. I was able to meet youths who were concerned with the plight of the Filipino people. I was touched by their desire to be of help to us and their willingness to help despite having to endure uneasy circumstances here in the Philippines.

During the day of the presentation, I was surprised and glad to find out that many were interested to learn about my country. They were interested in watching the documentary and playing the game of life that the youths in the UEM had prepared. I was also glad that I was able to answer their queries and enlightened them about the situation in the Philippines.

It was an experience worth remembering for the rest of my life. As I came back here in my country, I was thankful to be able to share my experiences in Germany through the school paper with my friends, with the youth of my church, and most of all with the whole Silliman University.


I hope that the partnership between UCCP and UEM would indeed grow stronger as the years progress. And that the two institutions would further intensify their commitment in serving God’s people and fighting those that violate the basic human rights of all the peoples of the world.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

To the Dead and the Desaparecidos


Jay-r: hi
spring: hi too
Jay-r: how r u?
spring: am ok
spring: pretending to be busy
spring: hey, check my blog
spring: http://angelspring.blogpost.com/
Jay-r: i did check
spring: good, then join my poll and answer that politics is the topic u like
Jay-r: hahahahahha
Jay-r: soon i'll also make my own blog and post my writings
Jay-r: a comrade from the southeast is missing and until now no updates

spring: y missing?
Jay-r: he was conducting organizing work then he got picked-up
Jay-r: nobody witnessed
spring: God! the bloody crackdown continues!
Jay-r: yah, because he won't get lost easily
spring: do u know him?
Jay-r: yup, he's my uncle
Jay-r: when i was still a baby, he prepares my milk
Jay-r: even when i was still a baby, my family were already active
spring: really? and you still don't have any word from him?
Jay-r: none, a farmer told us that he was picked-up and was made a guide by the 79IB
spring: as in 79 infantry battalion
Jay-r: yah
spring: since when?
Jay-r: since june 11
spring: almost two weeks have passed...and no word from him
Jay-r: yah, very painful
spring: so, he is added to the list of desaparecidos?
Jay-r: yup, that's right
Jay-r: my father is also a desaparecido
spring: really? and your brother was killed right?
Jay-r: yah, my brother was a martyr
spring: you're the only one left!
spring: good men die young or so they say

Jay-r:
i'm going to follow their footsteps but i have to go to school first
Jay-r: the spirit of activism is within my blood because i was born to it
spring: it is really painful to the heart
spring: we cry, we grieve, but then we wipe our tears, rise up, and fight...
Jay-r: wow! you're right
spring: the struggle taught me that
Jay-r: some people die and some people disappeared but many people will rise and continue the task they left
spring: that's right
Jay-r: hahahaha but we don't know when
spring: as long as we live in this kind of world, the fight would never end...

spring: however long it takes, fifty years, a hundred, five hundred, a thousand...it doesn't matter how long the fight, what matters is that we have contributed...
Jay-r: yah, because the greatest sacrifice is not easy to do
Jay-r: to face death
spring: to die fighting is very noble and we all hope that our deaths would be like that but to strive to continue to live so we can fight is a must...
Jay-r: wow! with all these inspiring words i might go full-time again

This was a chat that I had with a friend earlier (the original is mostly in Cebuano).

It made me remember
. . .
that the fight is still on
It made me remember . . .
the people who gave their lives for the struggle
It made me remember . . .
my favorite uncle, a minister, who died with 5 bullet wounds in the head (the last time I saw him was when he was helping me figure out things in life)
It made me remember . . .
my friend, he was only 20 years old when he was ambushed and killed (the last time I saw him was when we shook hands before he left)
It made me remember . . .
one of the greatest persons I've ever met, one who's life was a testament to his longing to serve the people, a person who sacrificed everything (and i mean everything) in life to help the masses (the last thing that I said to him was, "Don't get killed so I'll see you again soon," the next thing I heard, he was dead)
It made me remember . . .
one of my mentors, she was funny and caring and she too spent all here life as a volunteer to serve the people (the last time that I saw her was when we were going over our plans on how to execute our activities despite the very very small funds that we had), she was abducted and until now, I have never heard from her again.

I owe it to all of them to continue . . .

I cry, I grieve, but then I wipe my tears, rise up, and continue the fight.

Struggling


Up and down the merry-go-round to and fro on the great see-saw round and round my head goes round wakefulness and slumber up and about with laughter and sobriety to hysterics of a hyena and to cries of ghosts searching for the saving light on and on and on and in and out circling circles round about sporting a smile and wearing a frown stepping back and taking a step to joyful glee of insanity and sober reality that stars shine up above and the flutter of wings of a dove the question is: to love or not to love?

Friday, June 27, 2008

Imagined Reality





of sharp speared horns of unicorns
of golden glittering wings of pies of butterflies
of glistening scales of rainbow
on the tails that fades of mermaids
of blazing infernal fires of the ago eons by gigantic cosmic dragons
of Lisa Croft, Indiana Jones, and Maria Makiling--swinging, shooting, and singing (respectively) . . .


. . . for a pot of golden tinkling metals that are ringing a siren sound of longing for those who long to seek the unfounded treasures--


of Jack Sparrow with his broken compass with a crazy arrow
of smiles from lips that crinkles the eyes to delight the southrough the wandering of the mind
of angels and fairies
of golden roses and lush green grasses
of El Dorado and Atlantis
of the Knight of nights and kisses and caresses
of passion unleashed in a wonderland island of dreamland . . .




. . . dream on!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Strung up on hook and i

The guitar that hungs as it is strung up on a hook is what i eye to be strummed from G to D the E and C with up and up down down and up and up that sound may spill from the O of its mouth always open for a strum like my exposed heart the shape of a heart always out in the open that love may touch that the soul may rejoice to electrify the mind that commands my eyes to eye the guitar that hungs as it is strung up on a hook and that i may strum from E to D again then C and G and A minor to F sharp minor for a minor sound that ascends from the depths of the recess of the cobwebed mind that has allowed the exposed heart to play its song for the longest time now and is now eyeing the guitar that hungs as it is strung up on a hook and i

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Sam Raping Maria

Maria gave a blood chilling scream of salty tears a hiccup of blood and sweat a labored breath barely breathing upon pieces of torn clothing of blue, white, yellow, and red as red as blood as red as rage as red as a rose in the garden of war with guns from M16 to 14 to baby armalite to infant to .45 with bullets of gold that shine from the heart to pierce the dreadful laughter from the salivating mouth of Sam whose greedy fingers greedily clutching the smooth, now bruised hips of Maria defiling her mounds pinching her nipples to agonizing red again red in her eyes in her heart her red heart aflame boiling to the boiling point but Sam keeps her on chains colored chains with animated designs with faces of Paris Hilton, Usher, Shakira, Fernando Poe, and Gloria. Sam feeds Maria scraps a day just to keep her barely alive for him to push in and out, in and out, in and out of Maria and plunder again the juices of her cunt until the pain grows numb and everyday, every hour, every minute, every second a never ending nightmare Maria got used to, Maira got used to, to dull the pain so the pain will go away...Maria close your eyes while i take and take and take and take...Maria close your eyes. For Sam will slap her, whip her if she whimpers of freedom...freedom, freedom, freedom a distant sound out of reach from the closed hand...of Maria. Sated Sam laughs out loud at the poor Maria in shambles and crumbles in tears in pain and in shame matted with sweat and blood of blood colored red, bloody red...in her cunt it is red, in her mind it is red, in her heart it is red, in her feverish soul it is red and red would her wrists be when she would manage to untangle the chains and red would be the day that Maria opens her eyes and red would be the land where she would wage her war and red would be the blood of Sam as Maria will enlist all the Marias in a war against imperialists.

Anything and Everything Under the Sun

"A jack-of-all-trades," that is what my mother would describe me. But I always hated it when she adds, "but master of none."

Perhaps my mother indeed knew me very well and intentionally
said those words because I was challenged to prove her wrong. I do not claim though that I am now "master of all," all I can claim is that I try to do the best in anything that I do.

My being a jack-of-all-trades is not only confined to my traits but to my interests as well. Since I was a child, I had always been curious and imaginative. I can lay on my bed for hours and just think of anything. I can also immerse in the library's pool of books, or sit in front of the computer and research any topic that pops into my mind.

I could talk about a lot of things as my interest encompasses many subjects. I could discuss topics that range from the simply mundane to the highly complicated. I love thinking, reading, researching, and sharing about anything and everything under the sun (and even the moon).

Here are some of the topics that I would be discussing in my Haven:


Sex

Love
Music

Places
People
Politics

Movies
History
Culture
Science
Religion
Showbiz
Diseases
Emotions
Economics
Philosophy
Astronomy
Archeology

I'm also planning to include
poems and short stories.

I would also love to hear comments and criticisms. I would take no offense as I see criticisms as a necessity for growth and improvement.

Furthermore, you can also give your suggestions and requests to whatever topics you would like for me to discuss or give my opinion to.

My hope is for my readers to enjoy each visit to my Haven until it becomes their Haven too.