Monday, June 4, 2012

Entry 1: Cocoon

There are people who come into our lives to share a smile with...but there are those who come into our lives to change it.

I was once again heading into a dangerous trajectory in my life. When life moves too fast and you let events drive you instead of driving your life, things could head for the worst. Fortunately, a stopper was sent my way to perhaps save my soul.

As it is 2:42am as I am writing this, I will have to say that I went to church yesterday (Sunday) for the first time in a very long time. On my own free will, by myself, I walked up to the daunting church, went in and sat at the very back, ready to bolt at the slightest sign of uneasiness. I sat there until the end of the service. I even dropped a prayer request: "Please pray for my heart and my soul." I hope they do their work and pray for me, although I did not include my name. Surely God will know who they will be praying for.

It was raining hard that afternoon, but as the rain stopped, I headed for the cemetery to visit my mother. It's a long drive from the city. By the time I got there, the clouds were ominous. The cemetery that she is buried in has always made me feel at peace. From there, I could see the mountains and the vast sky, but that time, the clouds were dark and heavy. I lighted a candle for her then it started to drizzle. I headed for a canopy were chairs were piled up to be put away. The rain began to come down hard so I decided to open the laptop I had been bringing along. It was only 6pm, but it was dark and the rain limited my visibility so I sat down on one of the chairs, placed my laptop on my lap and started playing songs.

By myself at a faraway cemetery, rain enveloping the canopy, music playing, I waited for the rain to stop. It was a first. It was soothing. It was a moment in time I would remember for the rest of my life. I knew it was officially the start of my cocooning period. I will wait until my wings are ready before I fly again.

As the rain was dying down, an hour later, I headed back to the city. Not wanting to go home to my empty room, I began driving aimlessly again. I found myself heading to the coconut grove. I only noticed I was there as I passed by it. I smiled and drove around some more until there was no choice but to go home. The first day of cocooning was not that bad...but it will get darker and lonelier before it gets better...but then again, I am willing to wait.

I thank the angel sent my way who led me back to the light.

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